Before…— Painted September 10, 2001
Today is the 22nd year since the 9/11 Attacks. I wasn’t in NYC that day and had no friends or family at the World Trade Center or the Pentagon so I can’t write on the experience or emotions of those who were there or those who lost family and friends that day. Those folks whose lives were forever altered.
However, the many millions of us who witnessed the tragedy of that day from afar on our television screens had our lives changed as well. The world shifted a bit that day for everyone. We all saw our lives move on a slightly different path than the one we had been following before that day.
On September 11, 2011, on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I wrote about how it had changed my life at the time. I had given my annual Gallery Talk at the Principle Gallery the day before and the subject of the tenth anniversary of 9/11 somehow was raised. Someone asked if that day had changed things for me, if it had altered my work in any way.
The Post below somewhat sums up my answer that day. It tells about my feeling on the day before 9/11, on September 10, 2001.
From September 11, 2011:
I could talk much more about yesterday’s talk and how much I appreciate those who attended but I guess I should at least weigh in on the obvious part of this date. It is, of course, the tenth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. I’m sure there’s not a soul out there who hasn’t been made to remember this fact by the almost constant coverage by the media over the last several days.
In yesterday’s talk, I tried to avoid mentioning this, wanting to provide some sort of diversion, but somehow ended up talking about it anyway. I think it came about when I was trying to explain how much the support and energy that I received from these folks over the years had transformed my life. It reminded me very much of a feeling I felt on September 10th in 2001, the day before the attack.
September 10 that year was a spectacular late summer day with hints of autumn in the air, a pure blue sky and a sun that was softly warm but not harsh. Idyllically quiet and purely pleasant. I remember walking around my pond that day under that sky. I was at the point in my year when I was done with shows that I was going to do for the year. My solo shows from both 2000 and 2001 had been wildly successful, far beyond what I ever imagined, let alone expected. On that day, that September 10th, I finally had a bit of time to relax and really think about this as I strolled around the pond.
I thought about how different my life was then, in 2001, than it had been ten years before. In 1991 I was a lost and miserable soul, living a purposeless life with little prospect of doing much with it. I was supremely unhappy and saw myself only as a failure.
But circumstances changed in the next few years. After a breakdown, a rebirth, and a serious accident, art unexpectedly entered my life. And with it, everything was suddenly and dramatically different. In painting, I found a form of expression that meshed with my thinking and emotions, giving them a sense of purpose. I began to clearly see those things that were there in my life that had always been there and were core to my existence but had somehow overlooked as I stumbled around blindly in prior years.
I had found myself as well as a reason for living. As I stopped by the pond with that clear sky above, all of this struck me on that day, that September 10th. I felt myself the most fortunate man in the universe that day. My life felt as complete and satisfying as I could imagine and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of appreciation for my good fortune.
I had trouble believing it was my life I was indeed living.
Of course, within 24 hours that feeling disappeared in the smoke and devastation of the events of that day. It’s taken ten sometimes awful years to somewhat approach that feeling again and yesterday, as I felt the warmth of that group, I talked about this feeling and my appreciation for them for allowing me to somewhat regain that feeling.
I don’t know that I made it totally clear. One doesn’t always speak easily about matters of grace.
The painting at the top was painted on that September 10th of 2001. It very much reflects the fullness and contentment I felt for my life on that day, at that specific point in my life. It is filled with that sense of peace and grace I hinted at above. It came to be titled Before…
There was a strange twist to this painting. I always number my paintings so that I can more easily record and track them over time. The serial number for that painting was 99-911. I did nothing to make it fit this way, and in fact didn’t even recognize this number’s relationship to the date until sometime later. Just an eerie coincidence.
It is a painting that I deeply regret ever letting go as it marks such a distinct turning point in my life. And though I know for a fact that the folks who now possess it have their own deep feelings for this piece, they will never know how much it still lives with me, how much it reminds me that day, that September 10th when life seemed as good it could be and how rare and fleeting that moment can be.
Redtree Times 