A lot of people aren’t encouraged. I’m sort of a patron saint of early losers.
Ya know: Fix your legs and your nose and your voice, and maybe you’ll be a little something.
Or I was told to give up and make room for the talented and beautiful people. I get letters from people who hear this. People walk up to me and ask for advice. I’ve narrowed down my response: Prove them wrong.
— Ruth Gordon, Interview with James Grissom, 1984
Man, I adore Ruth Gordon. Don’t know that there could be any better or more concise piece of advice.
Prove them wrong.
That thought has been one of the driving forces behind any success I have ever had. I may have talked about that here before. At the moment, I can’t recall. I know I have written about how I was affected by people walking by my work when I first publicly exhibited it without even glancing at it. How it pissed me off and I left telling myself that I would show them.
In retrospect, I realize I was actually angry at myself at that moment for not showing what I had in me. Their perceived snub was actually just what I needed– a challenge and a wakeup call. It spoke to my competitive nature, especially when the competition involves pushing me out of default position of inertia. A challenge always wakes me up.
I probably wouldn’t even got to that point had it not been an earlier encounter that turned into a challenge to me. Several years before I was at a low point in my life. My business had crashed and burned a few years earlier and I spent a couple of years after that in auto sales, something I was not suited for in so many ways. I was stumbling blindly in my early 30’s and was working as day laborer for my brother putting up swimming pools in the summer and building and cleaning chimneys in the fall.
One rainy fall day that had cut our workday short, I found myself at the home of a well-known psychic in the Syracuse area. He was known for his work at psychically locating lost children and abilities were spoken of in glowing terms. As I said, I was stumbling around at that point, looking for any sign, any direction, that might set me on a clear and singular path. Maybe this guy could help me? I wasn’t sure but I was up for anything.
I went into his place that afternoon in my work clothes wet and soot-covered from cleaning chimneys. I don’t remember much of the ‘reading‘ he gave me that day except for one short comment he made. At one point, he said, “Let’s see. What are you meant for? I sense that you have no artistic or musical talents so we can rule that out.”
The rest is a blur lost in my memory, but that comment remains. I had been quiet in dealing with him so as not to give him any verbal cues that he could run with. It felt to me that he wasn’t getting much from me and began to judge me and base his reading on what I was presenting him physically–a silent, wet, sad guy in grimy work clothes.
I left his place a short time, muttering, “Screw that guy. I’ll show him.”
I hadn’t thought of this in a while, but it came back to me recently. I never really thought of it as a source of inspiration but looking back, that moment as I left his place may have very well set me down the path I am currently on. It set off a series of seemingly unrelated events that ended up with me finally picking up a paint brush after being pretty banged up in a fall off a ladder a year or two after his ‘reading.’
Everything that followed that fall may not have happened at all without his offhand comment that made me determined to prove him wrong. I was firm in my desire to be the only person to determine who or what I was or was not. Not him nor some nebulous feeling that he got from the visual cues I presented him with on a wet rainy fall day.
Of course, there is an argument to be made that he was not wrong. Maybe the last thirty-plus years have been smoke and mirrors, a product of my sheer determination to prove him wrong. I have to admit there are down days when I think he was not totally wrong.
But just a reminder of that comment from him is enough to set me off again. Maybe, like Ruth says, I was an early loser up to that point. Maybe. It sure felt like it. But his trivial judgement set me free in a way.
I will go to my deathbed proving him wrong.
I don’t know how this going to come across. Guess it doesn’t matter. You may not relate to this, but I think many of you out there have been told what you are or aren’t too many times by people who only have a surface knowledge of your being, your desires, or your abilities.
If that applies to you, heed the advice from Ruth: Prove them wrong.
Here’s a favorite song from the Kinks that I’ve shared it several times in the past. It’s been about four years and it feels right for this post so here’s I’m Not Like Everybody Else.
By the way, my first fraction of radiation went well. I was told to not expect any real side effect until after the third or fourth fraction, at which point the effects will mount up for a few weeks before subsiding in a few more. Hey, good to have something to look forward to!


[From 2019]






