the heart warms
The Heart Warms— Now at Principle Gallery, Alexandria
I’m the wounded bird, I’m the screaming hawk
I’m the one who can’t be counted out
I’m the dove thrown into battle
I can roll and shake and rattle mm-hmm, hmm
I’m the moon’s dark side, I’m the solar flare
The child of the earth, the child of the air
I am the mother of the evening star
I am the love that conquers all
Yeah, I’m a midnight rider
Stone bonafide night flyer
I’m an angel of the morning too
The promise that the dawn will bring you
—Nightflyer, Allison Russell (2021)
AS we come into the week of Thanksgiving, I thought I’d end this past week with a brief update. I had a consultation with a Medical Oncologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC on Tuesday and one with my local Radiologic Oncologist on Wednesday. Not much changed nor were there any great revelations with either consultation.
As I wrote in the past week or so, in the preceding several months it often felt as we had been dropped into forest wilderness without a compass or a guide, left to fend for ourselves in place with which we had no knowledge and little experience. We always felt like we were feeling our way through the trees of that wilderness, never sure if our steps were moving us closer or further from whatever path might take us out.
But after this past week, we now feel like we have a path that will lead us to a better place. Both consultations brought us a greater peace of mind and a feeling that we had some clarity in the way forward with my treatment. There is now great assurance for us that the cancer, though it can’t be cured, can be controlled. The cancer, along with its treatment, is most likely something I will be dealing with for the rest of my life.
Just the fact that I have a rest of my life, one that appears should not end as soon as we had once feared, is a good thing. I’ve come to like this place and had plans to be around for a while. I still believe some of my best work is yet to come.
I will have more clarity this coming Wednesday when I meet with the Medical Oncologist who will put forward the plan for my treatment. For my part, I am trying to up my fitness levels with intensified workouts every day that might both dampen the side effects of the drugs and the radiation as well as assist in fighting the cancer. I think I may have mentioned that there is clinical evidence of more positive outcomes for patients who follow an intense interval training in the leadup and during their treatment. Plus, there’s just the upside in simply getting more fit in general as well as feeling, that by doing so, I am actively fighting the cancer.
Whatever it takes.
This peace of mind finally allowed me to get a couple of decent nights of sleep and has me thinking that the coming weeks will finally be productive in the studio. The paralysis that comes in not knowing seems to be easing and I am finally getting small things done. Not much but enough to spark me a bit and feel once more like myself.
And that’s a good thing.
Here’s song for this week’s Sunday Morning Music from singer/songwriter Allsion Russell. This song, Nightflyer, is from her acclaimed 2021 debut album. Ouside Child. Both the album and this song were nominated for Grammy Awards in the Americana category. Her work is autobiographical, reflecting the traumas she suffered in her childhood at the hands of an abusive stepfather as well as the triumph that came in overcoming it. I came across a quote from an interview with her that resonated with me:
‘I’ve come to understand that my path as an artist is to build empathy and to delve deeply into the truths, feelings and experiences that scare me the most in order to be a small part of leaving the world better than I found it. Silence is deadly.’
To use a doctor’s term, I concur.
Redtree Times 