There’s nothing that makes you so aware of the improvisation of human existence as a song unfinished. Or an old address book.
–Carson McCullers, The Sojourner (1950)
Or an unfinished painting.
I was going through old work early this morning trying to find something for a Look Back post for the blog. I found a lot of things that had somehow evaded my attention for many years. I could have well used any of them, but it was this canvas shown above that caught my attention most. It’s not nearly so old as the pieces I would normally show in a Look Back entry but there was something about its unfinished state and the stark whiteness of the unpainted portion that intrigued me.
I don’t remember exactly when it was started. I would guess about 15 or 16 years ago. I also am not positive why my interest in it went astray, leaving it as it is. I suppose I just lost enthusiasm or felt that it was not going to go where I thought it should go.
No doubt it was from an idea of contrivance, those concepts that seem perfect in our minds but lose their spontaneity and organic feel as the painting progresses. These pieces can sometime be rescued and brought back to life.
I obviously didn’t feel like rescuing this one at the time or any other time since. Not that I didn’t think about it. It sat here in the studio, stacked with some other unfinished things on a stone wall behind where I now sit, for many years. I looked at it quite often and thought many times that I should go back into it.
But I never did. Probably never will. For reason, however I would paint the remainder now would probably stick out like a sore thumb. My painting style often changes and varies greatly and is hard for me replicate at a later date.
Another reason for not trying to finish it now is because I have come to see it as somehow complete in its unfinished state. There is a sort of abstract quality to it that I like. There is also something quite appealing to me in looking at the white textured surface in this piece without a layer of paint on it.. The way the gesso was applied at that time is like its own personal timestamp. Like my painting, the texture of the gesso often changes and there are pieces where I can approximately tell from the texture when it was painted. I put this texture as coming from around 2012 to 2015.
You have to take me at my word on that. I could, of course, be talking through my hat. Wouldn’t be the first time.
The line from Carson McCullers seemed to fit this entry pretty well. Human existence and art are inextricably intertwined, and both often reflect our improvisations and decisions to move on in different directions. This sometimes leaves things undone.
Like this painting.
And that’s okay. Maybe the ultimate purpose of this is to serve as a reminder that we are human and subject to the improvisations that life sometimes requires.
I can live with that.
Here’s a newer song from Paul McCartney off his new album, The Boys of Dungeon Lane. This is Days We Left Behind.
Seems about right…