I am now a truly free man.
When Kellyanne Conway spoke those two words last week it was as though she were old Abe Lincoln speaking the words from the Emancipation Proclamation.
The shackles that bound me have been shattered by my newfound belief in Alternative Facts.
No longer must I be held prisoner to the confines of truth or reality. Facts are now what I want them to be. The world now looks like I feel it should despite any and all evidence to the contrary you might try to put before me.
Gone is the boring concept of a fact only existing in one dimension. Now we have choices– good , better, and best facts. These facts are mine which means they are the best facts.
Believe me. It’s true.
So, I have therefore decided that I must enlighten the public as to what is really what. Today begins what will be a series of Alternative Facts. If you’re anything like Sean Spicer, you most likely believe that you know these already.
Today’s Alternative Fact:
The Maine Coon Cat is the Largest Animal in North America.
You probably thought it was some loser bison, moose or bear. Duh…
I mean, come on, just look at the picture! I normally don’t trust photos ( look at how all of those news and governmental agencies cropped out the many, many millions of the best Americans who packed the Mall on Inauguration Day!) but in my judgment– and it is factually the best judgment– anyone can see that this is a real photo.
See, the sky is blue. It’s got to be real.
I have had people tell me– I know for a fact that Bernhard Langer saw it firsthand–that there are gangs of these nasty cats roaming the streets in and around Bangor, Maine. It’s a hellscape up there. They tell me there is a million, maybe a million and a half of these monsters terrorizing the good people, batting cars off the roads like throw toys and devouring school children at bus stops.
Maine Coon Carnage! It’s true. I have been told by people who would know that they may send in the feds.
This is a fact. You might try to call me a liar but that just shows how ignorant you are– Liar is not even a real word! That’s another fact! So this has been a two-fer.
You’re welcome.
Redtree Times 
You made my day….just not sure what is real or not any more…I can make it what ever I decide….which I will do anyway!! Thanks 😉
You’re welcome, Sheila. Enjoy your newly freed day.
Here’s another one for you… Since I live in Texas and I’m progressive, Texas is a liberal, blue, progressive state full of liberal freedom loving people. All of our elected officials are Democrats and Green Party members. We respect all creeds, all sexual orientations, all races… I feel better now than I’ve felt since November. Alternative Facts rule. But now… I must wake up and face the real world. Too bad He-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Here won’t wake up and face facts.
Yeah, it is too bad that the person charged with guiding our ship of state doesn’t view the world with any sense of reality. The question is: Is that really his view of reality or is he simply a pathological liar? Neither answer is very satisfying. Gary, all we can do is just keep slogging out the truth, even when it seems like it shouldn’t be necessary.
Gary, I hate to say it, but #AlternativeFacts have been more and more prevalent since the selection of George W. The advent of Fox news led the rush and have pushed it over the cliff.
No doubt about that, Gary. The maddening part is that it has taken the media and the general public so long to recognize that the reality portrayed on Fox and Rush and O’Reilly and all the others doesn’t jibe with the truth that is in plain sight for those willing to see. I first sensed that divide between dueling realities back in the Reagan days when his rhetoric rang hollow relative to what I was seeing in the factory and other businesses where I worked during that time.
That brings up another question: Can you make the willfully blind see?
Gary, my wife has been comparing this election to Reagan all along. And her memory of those years is of people living in tents after losing their jobs.
I can understand ideological differences between conservatives and liberals. I can’t explain factual differences. Other than a systematic approach by some to deliberately sell falsehood as truth. And I see that in everything the Republican Party has done since the era of Gingrich. Naming bills with titles that say exactly the opposite of what the bill does. Attaching labels to things to make them odious to their followers.
As for the willfully blind… I don’t know that they are, I think they have been subjected to the longest running brainwashing campaign in the history of propaganda. Fox News Corp.