What still concerns me the most is: am I on the right track, am I making progress, am I making mistakes in art?
–Paul Gauguin
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At one of my gallery talks a year or two ago, I was asked about confidence in my work. I can’t remember the exact wording but the questioner seemed to imply that at a certain point in an artist’s evolution doubts fade away and one is absolutely certain and confident in their work.
I think I laughed a bit then tried to let them know that even though I stood up there and seemed confident in that moment, it was mere illusion, that I was often filled with raging doubts about my voice or direction or my ability. I wanted them to know that there were often periods when I lost all confidence in what I was doing, that there were days that turned into weeks where I bounced around in my studio, paralyzed with a giant knot in my gut because it seemed like everything I had done before was suddenly worthless and without content in my mind.
I don’t know that I explained myself well that day or if I can right now. There are moments (and days and weeks) of clarity where the doubts do ease up and I no longer pelt myself with questions that I can’t answer. Kind of like the painting at the top, Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?, the masterpiece from Paul Gauguin. Those are tough questions to answer, especially for a person who has little religious belief.
And maybe that’s the answer. Maybe my work has always served as a type of surrogate belief system, expressing instinctual reactions to these great questions. I don’t really know and I doubt that I ever will. I only hope that the doubts take a break once in a while.
There was another quote I was considering using for this subject from critic Robert Hughes:
The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is given to the less talented as a consolation prize.
I liked that but it felt kind of self-serving, like saying that being aware aware of your own stupidity is actually a sign of your intelligence. I would really like to believe that all those times when I realized I was dumb as a stump were actually evidence of my brilliance. I think many of us can claim that one.
Likewise, if Hughes is correct then I may be one of the the greatest artists of all time.
And at the moment, I have my doubts…
Redtree Times 
I had never looked at the Gauguin painting up close before… quite amazing, only surprised i could not find a snake. Anyway, great painting for Easter.
As far as doubt is concerned, we all have them when we do something important to us: “was/am i a good teacher? Did my students learn? Did i make difference? ” Not to mention: “Could i become a good artist? Just because i dream it, could i achieve it? Do i have any talent?”
One thing i am sure of, is that you do!!
Have a good Easter! ❤