Redtree Times

Struggle and Will– At the West End Gallery

When I was younger, I used to believe that I never wanted to leave this world without saying ‘fuck you’. And now I never want to leave this world without saying ‘I love you’.

–Paul Schrader, Interview, Venice 2023

I found the passage above from director/screenwriter Paul Schrader very compelling. Schrader is best known for writing Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, The Last Temptation of Christ for Martin Scorsese and directing films of his own such as American Gigolo, Blue Collar, Light Sleeper, Affliction and a number of others. Complicated films with psychologically troubled central characters and often plenty of violence. His comment above came from an interview he gave in interview while debuting his latest film, Master Gardener, which opened in theatres just yesterday.

Leaving that aside, it was his succinct description of the arc followed by many expressive people that interested me. It certainly lined up with my own feelings. Early on, there was always the desire to make a loud bang that couldn’t be ignored or to carve a deep wound in this world, one that would leave a scar that would mark one’s existence here. It was both a creative and destructive– and self-destructive– urge built from the fires of anger and insecurity.

But as time passed and the weight of age adds up, one’s perspective slowly changes. Oh, the anger and insecurities are still there but are no longer the central driving force they once were. There is a realization and acceptance of the shortness and fragility of our lives that makes us understand that we gain nothing with our hatreds and prejudices.

Certainly not peace of mind or of the spirit.

That only comes from love and joy, of finding beauty and harmony.

I have said ‘fuck you‘ many times before to many things in many ways and sometimes still have to hold down that urge and its accompanying anger. I take little pleasure in that knowledge.

Life’s too short to dwell in anger.

I no longer want to make a scar on this world. I want to leave something to mark my existence but not a wound or a scar. No, it must be a creation built on Love. Beauty. Harmony. Grace. Compassion.

A creation where anger exists only to act as a contrast which shows the power of love and light. A creation of ‘I love you’ and not ‘fuck you’.

I had no intention of writing this this morning but that passage was stuck in my head and had to be addressed. Here’s a song that ends the new Schrader film, Master Gardener. It revolves around the line, I never want to leave this world without saying ‘I love you’, which prompted Schrader’s words. It is written and performed by Devonté Hynes AKA Blood Orange with vocals from Mereba. This is Space and Time.

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