As I wrote a few weeks back, I’m in the middle of my process where I spend some time both looking backward and forward through my work, looking at pieces from the past for bits of inspiration that might lead to some new synthesis of the original creative driver. In doing so I sometime come across paintings that are unlike anything that was done in the time period around them, paintings that stand out in sharp contrast. This is one such piece, called In the Shadow. a 9″ by 12″ sepia painting from six or seven years back.
As I scanned through my files, mostly quiet and placid pieces with warm colors and calming compositions, I came across this dark piece that seemed so out of place. Nothing before it in that year showed any evidence of this piece’s coming. And nothing after it showed any signs of its influence. It was a complete anomaly for its time.
I showed it a few times but it never sold which did not surprise me at all. It wasn’t that I didn’t think it was a good piece because I did think it had a unique quality that made it good. I often use good to describe my work, meaning that it has a complete feel, a life all its own, and this painting had it. But I wasn’t surprised at the lack of interest because of the quality but because it was too personal, too reflective of my own angst. I knew at the time that it was only meant for me because of this.
Most of my work deals with alleviating the angst that is often consuming for me. It is all about escaping that shadow and bringing light. I have often said that my work is not a reflection of who I really am but is instead a goal of who I want to be. It is aspirational work. This, on the other hand, was not filled with hope but was instead a snapshot of the reality of the moment for me.
It was personal and too narrow in its meaning to easily connect with those who see the better parts of themselves in my work. I understood that from the moment I created this piece. But I felt that I had to show it just to be honest about my own reality, my own journey. We are all prismatic figures that only show certain facets to the outside world at any given time and I wanted to let people see this often hidden facet just to let them know that it is there. Perhaps one day, it will fade from the light of the other, more hopeful facets.
But it is there and every now and then it shows itself just to remind me from where I came. But not where I am going.
Redtree Times 
I’m often struck by how articulate you are about what you are doing and why and how willing you are to share all this with us. You certainly give me lots to think about.
Thanks, Moira. I try to be somewhat articulate about my work but it;s a struggle sometimes. Writing this blog for the past four years or so has really helped in that aspect.
Gary, I wish I had seen this piece when offered. I appreciate your “dark” work because it compels introspection and provides balance within your larger body of work and, importantly, ourselves. Mike
Thanks so much, Mike. I, too, think, that this darker work has a place within the context of my larger body of work, providing a contrast that makes the lighter work seem even brighter.
We all have our shadows. They define and clarify who we are. They throw the shape of our souls into relief. This painting is perhaps a more accurate manifesto of who you are as an artist than any of your work I’ve seen so far. You say, ” I have often said that my work is not a reflection of who I really am but is instead a goal of who I want to be. . . It is all about escaping that shadow and bringing light.” Although the figure is in deep shadow, it looks away from the darkness, toward the light. While the light illuminates the face, the shadows define it and give it shape. You say that this painting is not filled with hope, but a snapshot of the reality of the moment — but isn’t the reality of the moment that you’ve captured here what you as a painter strive to do in your work — look toward the light?
You are right. There is probably more aspiration and hope in this piece than I originally saw. Thanks so much for the insights. They are always deeply appreciated.
I’ve been looking back and forth between “In the Shadow” and “In the Clearing”. Both are remarkable for the way “light patches” give definition to the paintings. They’re like visual representations of Cohen’s “Anthem”, showing us the cracks through which the light gets in.
What a pleasure it is to have my work compared to a Cohen song!