As I wrote a few weeks back, I’m in the middle of my process where I spend some time both looking backward and forward through my work, looking at pieces from the past for bits of inspiration that might lead to some new synthesis of the original creative driver. In doing so I sometime come across paintings that are unlike anything that was done in the time period around them, paintings that stand out in sharp contrast. This is one such piece, called In the Shadow. a 9″ by 12″ sepia painting from six or seven years back.
As I scanned through my files, mostly quiet and placid pieces with warm colors and calming compositions, I came across this dark piece that seemed so out of place. Nothing before it in that year showed any evidence of this piece’s coming. And nothing after it showed any signs of its influence. It was a complete anomaly for its time.
I showed it a few times but it never sold which did not surprise me at all. It wasn’t that I didn’t think it was a good piece because I did think it had a unique quality that made it good. I often use good to describe my work, meaning that it has a complete feel, a life all its own, and this painting had it. But I wasn’t surprised at the lack of interest because of the quality but because it was too personal, too reflective of my own angst. I knew at the time that it was only meant for me because of this.
Most of my work deals with alleviating the angst that is often consuming for me. It is all about escaping that shadow and bringing light. I have often said that my work is not a reflection of who I really am but is instead a goal of who I want to be. It is aspirational work. This, on the other hand, was not filled with hope but was instead a snapshot of the reality of the moment for me.
It was personal and too narrow in its meaning to easily connect with those who see the better parts of themselves in my work. I understood that from the moment I created this piece. But I felt that I had to show it just to be honest about my own reality, my own journey. We are all prismatic figures that only show certain facets to the outside world at any given time and I wanted to let people see this often hidden facet just to let them know that it is there. Perhaps one day, it will fade from the light of the other, more hopeful facets.
But it is there and every now and then it shows itself just to remind me from where I came. But not where I am going.
Redtree Times 