What still concerns me the most is: am I on the right track, am I making progress, am I making mistakes in art?
–Paul Gauguin
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At one of my gallery talks a year or two ago, I was asked about confidence in my work. I can’t remember the exact wording but the questioner seemed to imply that at a certain point in an artist’s evolution doubts fade away and one is absolutely certain and confident in their work.
I think I laughed a bit then tried to let them know that even though I stood up there and seemed confident in that moment, it was mere illusion, that I was often filled with raging doubts about my voice or direction or my ability. I wanted them to know that there were often periods when I lost all confidence in what I was doing, that there were days that turned into weeks where I bounced around in my studio, paralyzed with a giant knot in my gut because it seemed like everything I had done before was suddenly worthless and without content in my mind.
I don’t know that I explained myself well that day or if I can right now. There are moments (and days and weeks) of clarity where the doubts do ease up and I no longer pelt myself with questions that I can’t answer. Kind of like the painting at the top, Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?, the masterpiece from Paul Gauguin. Those are tough questions to answer, especially for a person who has little religious belief.
And maybe that’s the answer. Maybe my work has always served as a type of surrogate belief system, expressing instinctual reactions to these great questions. I don’t really know and I doubt that I ever will. I only hope that the doubts take a break once in a while.
There was another quote I was considering using for this subject from critic Robert Hughes:
The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is given to the less talented as a consolation prize.
I liked that but it felt kind of self-serving, like saying that being aware aware of your own stupidity is actually a sign of your intelligence. I would really like to believe that all those times when I realized I was dumb as a stump were actually evidence of my brilliance. I think many of us can claim that one.
Likewise, if Hughes is correct then I may be one of the the greatest artists of all time.
And at the moment, I have my doubts…
Redtree Times 
What’s most interesting to me is that there are two ways of reading Gauguin’s remark. One is, “Am I on the right track, OR am I making mistakes?” The other is, “Am I on the right track BECAUSE I am still making mistakes?”
I suspect Gauguin meant the second. At least, I prefer to believe that.
You may be right. Gauguin is always portrayed as being supremely self-assured so it makes sense that he even be confident in his doubts.
On Thu, Oct 29, 2015 at 8:54 AM, Redtree Times wrote:
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I wonder what van Gogh would have thought? What would he think now about the popularity and sales rate of his Art? Would it make him feel more confident and self-assured…I wonder?!
That is an interesting question to ponder. I’ve always had the impression that the fact that his work was not embraced in the time he was painting affected his mental state. Perhaps sales or acknowledgment would have changed his mental state in some way. If so, the question is: how would his work have changed after that? Another interesting question to ponder.
Exactly!