“The word was born in the blood, grew in the dark body, beating, and took flight through the lips and the mouth. Farther away and nearer still, still it came from dead fathers and from wondering races, from lands which had turned to stone, lands weary of their poor tribes, for when grief took to the roads the people set out and arrived and married new land and water to grow their words again. And so this is the inheritance; this is the wavelength which connects us with dead men and the dawning of new beings not yet come to light.”
― Pablo Neruda
Found myself awake early this morning. So many things racing through my head that it was hard to focus on trying to sleep. Big things and little things- a gnawing worry for this country and tiny nagging reminders of things that need to be done soon. All things that couldn’t be resolved at 2 AM in the woods where I live.
Then it struck me that it was around this time of the morning that my mom died 25 years ago on this very date.
Geez, 25 years come and gone. And there I was, in bed thinking of her death.
I tried to dredge up memories of her, hoping that it would drown out the other things in the background of my mind, all screaming for attention or at least equal air time. Some memories came easily. Those are the ingrained ones that have become part of the synapses.
But I tried to dig deeper and there were only shadows of memories. Not real recollection. Maybe not even real. I don’t know for sure and most likely never will.
25 years has a way of changing things in your mind.
So, I tried focusing on the traits that I may have inherited from her, some good and some bad. Some neither. They just are what they are.
Some made me laugh. Some made me cry.
Laughter and tears. Quite the inheritance.
There are certainly worse things in this world.
It made me think in bed of the painting above that I recently took out to the West End Gallery. Called From Whence I Came, it’s part of my Archaeology series from back in 2008. I think this piece was only shown once in a gallery before it came back to me. For some unknown reason, it found its way to the back of a closet, where it has been residing for the past 12 years. I pulled it out a few weeks back and it was like seeing it for the first time again.
It made me think of all the choices and serendipity that it took for me to arrive at this place in the world. It’s the same for all of us. We’re all products of the decisions and events that took place throughout the history of man on this planet. One person succumbing to a virus instead of surviving it a thousand years ago and our whole history as a person would be different.
We’re all the spearpoints, the leading edges, the very top of the pyramids of all that came before us. We were brought to this point by the bones and blood of thousands of lives before us.
All their strength. All their vulnerability.
I don’t know where I want this to go. Just thinking out loud, I guess, between the laughter and the tears.
Gotta go. Have a good day, folks.










I’ve been saying for while that fake news is a dangerous thing. And it turns out that it has been killing people for over a century.
I don’t know how to start with this newest painting from the Icon series. When I started the series I wanted it to focus on the lives and stories of the everyday ancestors that make up my and many others’ family lines. But there ares some folks in these lines that are definitely not everyday people. Such is the case with this icon– she was already the subject of multiple icons before I even thought of painting her.
For her works in spreading the beliefs of the church as well, in actually building churches, Anna was made a saint in the Eastern Orthodox church. In fact, one of the feast days of St. Anna is next week on February 10th.
One of the things I am trying to emphasize with this current Icon series is the fact that we are all flawed in some way, that we all have deficiencies and stumbles along the way. Yet, uncovering these faults in my research, I find myself holding affection for many of these ancestors that dot my family tree. Perhaps it is the simple fact that without them I would not be here or perhaps I see some of my own flaws in them.
This painting, a new 24″ by 20″ canvas, is titled Icon: Peter the Scoundrel. This may not be my favorite painting from the Icon series that I’ve been working on as of late but this has been by far the hardest piece for me to complete. It just kept going and going and I completely repainted the head and face at least six different times. Each face never felt right and I could not get a handle on how I wanted to portray the person behind this painting.
When you delve back into your ancestry you often uncover surprises, some pleasantly exciting and some a bit disappointing. In some cases, it’s a bit of both. Such is the case of the person behind this latest painting from my current Icons series. This piece is 24″ by 12″ on masonite and is titled Icon: Eleazer.
This is the next step in the Icon series of paintings that I talked about a few days ago. It’s an 18″ by 18″ canvas that I call Gilbert, going with the French pronunciation– more jill-bear than gill-bert. There’s a reason for that.